Granola Girl

As many of you know from reading a recent Facebook status update that received many comments, Ry and I just watched The Business of Being Born , a documentary exploring women's empowerment about their own birthing decisions. I just want to clarify that I am not expecting a baby, since so many of you seemed curious! But I am interested in learning more about birth in general, especially home birth and birth with as few medical interventions as possible.

Lately I've been thinking about how to make my life more natural. One big step toward this goal is our decision to do the year of veganism. Another is that I have ceased taking any pharmaceutical medications. Don't worry none were medically necessary, but I've made the conscious decision to experience my body free of pharmaceuticals. Eat it Forest Laboratories and McNeal Pharmaceutical! You're not getting any more of my money.

The film also raised questions about how we have become divorced from a natural human process so old and refined that it must work on its own, or we wouldn't be here. We are a testament to the fact that women's bodies are designed for birth.

This got me thinking about how what is natural is not often considered beautiful anymore in our advertising-driven consumer society. For instance, I have a pesky silver streak in my hair that persistently pops back out even three weeks after I've dyed my hair. This little streak is the bane of my existence. I always tell myself, I'll let it grow and see how it feels. Um surprise, it never makes me feel beautiful.

I can distinctly remember having a conversation with my mother when I was about nineteen where I questioned why she felt the need to wear make up or a bra. Now I don't like the look of my face without make up and people ask me if I'm okay, 'cause they think I might be sick when I don't wear it. Gee, thanks. And I wouldn't leave my house without a bra. Clearly, it doesn't take too long to lose that youthful-hippie-granola-college grown indignation about natural = beautiful. Give me six years out of Madison, WI and mission accomplished. But why? Why do we accept the message that the way we are is not fundamentally beautiful?

These are questions I want to explore in my own life. I'd also like to challenge my inner granola girl to find her voice and confidence. If any of you ladies have words of wisdom to share, I'd be more than open to them.

The next book on my list: Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin, leader and innovator at The Farm Midwifery Center in Tennessee.

A few new shots:

I'm married to the bread king. Inside of baguette project take #2.


Whole wheat loaf, dough shot.


Whole wheat loaf, finished product.


Looking East toward downtown during a pale pink sunrise.


Since it's almost April we get a new monkey on the calendar. This one appears to be a little bit crazy.


Also of note, three days until our Mexico City adventure.

Spring Reawakening

I found out unexpectedly today that a friend of mine is a getting a divorce. It hit me rather emotionally, my heart feeling heavy for this couple and all they must be experiencing. It also caused me to reflect on the state of my own marriage and the great value Ryan brings to my life. I've learned that marriage is a living thing that must be nurtured. It can be fragile and tenuous or it can be strong and vibrant, depending on circumstances and what we make of it. It's not always easy, that gets left out of all the wedding dreams and happily ever after fairy tale stories. But it has made my life more rich than it has ever been before. So today, I'm sad and thankful all at the same time. My friend is someone who deserves love and to be treated well, which I have faith will come in time.

Tonight I chaperoned my fifth and last residence hall dance! It was a joint effort between the all-male and all-female halls on our campus - a semiformal dubbed Spring Reawakening. They had a vision of vibrant florescent oragami, black lights and black and white attire, which I admit I did not share. However, tonight all of the planning paid off. Many hall council members came out to set up the event and brought their friends to support it. We had over 100 students in attendance, no major problems, lots of fun and an awesomely speedy clean-up where dozens of hands pitched in. I'm a proud mama duck tonight and am glad my last dance memory will be a a good one.

Setting up for the dance.


Oragami reigns supreme! I was impressed by the students' DIY ethic.


Orange dreamsicle sheet cake.


A hundred homemade strawberry frosted cupcakes.


Rainbow sherbet swirl almost ready to be scooped up for punch.


The aftermath of the the lemon-lime sherbet punch. Ryan says this is approaching the edge of what is actually "food". He also said someone should throw some saw dust on it and wait for the custodian to come clean it up.


Funky DIY orgami centerpieces. I never would have come up with this and honestly they look pretty ugly up close but they looked great on the black linens and with the black lights.


Male student breaks it down when we turn on the blacklights during set up.


The dance starts. Featured lots of Girl Talk, Black Eyed Peas, and Lady Gaga. Eventually the floor filled up :)

Keeping The Faith

The last few days candidates who could replace me in my job have been on campus. It's not surprising, I knew they would come eventually. After all, I interviewed something like twenty people for the job when I was away at the conference. But now that they are here it's been a little bit hard for me to swallow, which I didn't anticipate. Showing my apartment, showing my office, asking interview questions at the very same table where I sit in meetings, really thinking about the fact that this very person I'm looking at may replace me - all of these things are nothing short of a reality check.

I've been looking forward to this change, but now that it's nearly upon us instead of looming off in the distance, I'm slightly terrified. At this point we have no place to live and I have no place to work. I've applied to nine jobs and have been rejected from two, with no word from the others yet. I have to remind myself to keep the faith. Ryan's been reminding me, but it's difficult at times. If there's order in the world, if God has a plan, then something will come to me. Just keep the faith.

Mountains O' Things

I've mostly been crabby in the last few days. So there's not too much I care to write about that's pleasant, lunch with my friend Les and drinks with my friend Megan not wishstanding.

Yesterday my mood was lifted a bit when I paid our monthly bills. That probably sounds silly, but there's something I just love about the process of paying the bills: logging it all neatly in my checkbook, writing out the envelopes, figuring out how much we'll be saving that month, slapping the stamps/address labels on and making a little pile of outgoing bills in our mail organizer. I usually write at least one card to a friend when I'm doing them too, just to add something genial in the mix. Being happy about paying bills says that I'm able to pay them, which I am very thankful for. I recognize not everyone is in that position and that we are lucky. Blessings for all my friends and family that we'll have what we need.

Postal mail and check books seem almost old-fashioned these days. Walking back from lunch with a few colleauges the other day I learned that neither of them keeps a check book. Everytime I hear this from someone I just can't believe it. I couldn't live without our checkbook, even though I also bank online. There's a part of me that needs to be able to hold something in my hand that let's me know I've got it all balanced, that I know the most updated number despite what the bank says.

Most of the people I work with have iphones or blackberrys and use online calendars. We are required to use linked online calendars on our work computers. For a while I had my palm synched up to it, but it stopped working because of a big software change. I didn't want to go through the trouble of getting it set up again, but I also decided I'd missed having a paper calendar. Only being able to see my life reflected on a small, impersonal screen limited the way I looked at my commitments.

Using a paper calendar gives me a broader sense of time - it allows me to physically flip forward and backwards, to look ahead easily and see what's coming up at a glance. My paper calendar also shows my personality. Everything is written in my own hand. I can take notes or doodle. I can add pictures or little things I pick up to brighten my day when I open it. It reminds me that I don't exist in a sterile little world designed by software engineers to get me to buy more sh*t. Right now I'm sick of technology. It's never been clearer to me that for every technological "advance" that comes along we also lose something. I find myself wondering which advances are worth it and what we are trading off for the ability to be hyperconnected.

Consume, consume, consume. There's an end point to that.

I've had the song Mountains O' Things by Tracy Chapman stuck in my head for the past few days. She is one ferocious lady and she's certainly got it right:

Consume more than you need
This is the dream
Make you pauper
Or make you queen
I won't die lonely
I'll have it all prearranged
A grave that's deep and wide enough
For me and all my mountains o' things

Oh they tell me
There's still time to save myself
They tell me, renounce all those material things
you gained by exploiting other human beings

Ry and I finished watching the HBO series, The Wire, on DVD last night. It's an awesome show about Balitmore, Maryland. It explores the inner-workings of a post-industrial American city, starting with the drug trade and the police department but also touching on unions, shipping, urban violence, poverty, local politics, public school and the media. I'd highly recommend it. It's the best TV show I've ever seen, but I'm also thankful to be out from under its spell. I'll get a little bit of my life back.

A few pics from the weekend:

View from our bedroom window in the morning.


Stone detail.


Ry's dough explodes. Hello State Puff Marshmallow Man!


Ry's first take at baguettes.


Me as Dr. Jekyll.


Me as Ms. Hyde.

Crisp Evening Walk

Spring has arrived! Well, for a few days at least. Ry and I decided to take a stroll in what we hope will be our new neighborhood. We parked around the corner from "our" house and walked by to see what's going on with it. The snow had melted off from the side yards, so we could see the patio area there with a tiny bit of green popping up.

The house doesn't have much of a traditional lawn-style yard, but I think this patio would be awesome useable outdoor space for us. We've seen photos of it in bloom and there are vines all along the fence wall that come alive in the summer, making it very private.

The parkway that's around the corner from "our" house. We met a pregnant woman named Megan who was walking a gigantic, old Great Dane. We also saw two kids tossing a football around and a family watching from across the street.

I'm reluctant to post any pictures of the actual house until things seem to be finalized. I talked to our realtor, Nancy, yesterday and found out that our file has traveled to one of the seller's bank where it is waiting to be assigned a negotiator. I'm learning more about short sales everyday and I'm using this knowledge as I scour listings for other properties. We haven't seen much that interests us besides "our" house. I can identify what look like many other unclaimed short sales; usually few to no pictures, random listing companies, a price that doesn't seem in line with the tax value shown. Nancy is showing us a bungalow further West in the Jackson Park neighborhood this Saturday. We walked past it on our walk and were a bit turned off by how close it was to Oklahoma. It also had a rental property next door and very little privacy with how close the houses were spaced together.

We continued our walk into Jackson Park, where we found lots of people with dogs and Mexican families playing soccer.

We walked into the neighborhood West of 43rd street and saw one of the old-school Milwaukee Police call boxes. I love these things! They are unique and make me imagine what Milwaukee must have been like back at the end of the 19th century.

Call box detail.

If you went to high school with me, you will know why I took this picture! This is almost the exact type of car I learned to drive and rolled around in as a teenager, except my mom's was bright red. I haven't seen one of these in a long time and it brought back memories.

I whipped up another Knudson family staple: Tuna and Pea Pasta with Pecorino. I invented this one day out of ingredients from the cabinet and freezer. It's awesome and now we'll have to say goodbye to it for a while.

Then we watched an episode of The Wire on DVD and hit the hay. I did a crossword puzzle while Ry combed political blogs in bed. What a bunch of nerds we are.

My night stand. Notice the University-issued monster phone that rings in the middle of the night when there are emergencies. This phone literally strikes fear in my heart because no one calls it except my staff. Don't get me wrong, staff, I love you, but when you call on this line there is usually something amiss.

Ry's night stand. Notice that he made this delighful piece of furniture, what a handy man. Notice also that he has a million food books!

Carrot Ginger Soup

One of the things that makes our "house" (if you can call an eight-story dorm that) a home, is our cooking. It's something we each love to do and most of the time love to do together. Ryan is a master of both precision and bread baking in the kitchen. I am a master of hearty improvisation. Ryan is our primary cook and I generally view our tiny kitchen as his domain. When (fingers crossed) we move into the new house I believe this will change due to the increase in space. Right now we can't even fit in there together. I am our secondary cook. When I cook I'm usually doing it to find some me time.

Monday afternoon I stole away some time to cook an easy favorite, Carrot Giner Soup, for dinner. I pulled this recipe out of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel several fall seasons ago. That year my sister, Greta, bought me a cookbook for Christmas and I said, "how did you know I wanted this?" and she responded, "duh, you're pulling recipes out of the newspaper". I made it once back then when I was living on my own and we've made it several times as a couple and for company. Once pureeded it's a lovely bright color and after we made a few vegan modifications we liked it even better. The original calls for a lot of butter that causes it to become overly rich.

Getting ready to cook I threw on my Teva sandals (gotta get 'em broken back in for Mexico City) and a recording from a 2006 Ryan Adam's show at Das Haus. I pumped the tunes, which always make me think of when Ryan and I first met. The version of Magnolia Mountain from this show is our song, but at 13 minutes long we elected not to play it at the wedding.

Me in Ry's apron and my Teva's blasting Ryan Adams. The ubiquitous mirror shot.

I prepped all of the ingredients for the soup, very easy. Carrots, fresh ginger, fresh garlic, olive oil, veggie broth. I even ground the corriander in Ry's hand powered coffee mill. Notice the peeled ginger bulb suspended in a jar of vodka. He discovered this technique online because we were never able to use our ginger fast enough before it would mold. You can keep it like this in the fridge for months. I also reserved the ginger-infused vodka. I'm hoping to cook up a special martini soon.

Sauteed the garlic, onions and ginger until translucent, but not brown.

Added carrots and veggie broth.

Let simmer for 20-30 minutes.

Took it to the blender or food processor in small batches. Be careful and stick the small batches or you'll end up with a wet, hot mess.

The beautiful finished product! The recipe calls for option fresh chive garnish, which we've never done. I imagine it would taste delicious, but we've been lazy about it.

Addendum: Ryan says I should add the recipe to please loyal fans.
- Several tablespoons of olive oil into the pan (alternately you can add butter)
- 1 large onion diced
- 2 cloves garlic crushed (I'd add more, personally)
- 1/4 cup diced fresh ginger
Add all of the following to the pot and sautee for approximately 10 minutes.
- 1 and 1/2 pounds carrots, peeled and chopped
- Approximately 6 cups veggie or chicken broth
Add to the pot and let simmer for 20-30 minutes until carrots are tender.
Blend in small batches. Add salt, pepper, ground corriander to taste. Garnish with chopped chive. May be made in advance and refrigerated for several days.

Ryan is always saying we should cook for more people and invite more people over. I get squeamish about this, the same way I get nervous about answering the phone. But he's right, we should. So, I'm going to make an effort to step out of my comfort zone in this regard. Also, if you want to come eat with us, invite yourself over. I'm not kidding. Help give me that extra little push.

Though, in a few weeks that will mean eating vegan with us because we've both committed to the vegan year pledge. When we return from our trip to Mexico City, we will cease eating animal products. We are not going to take it too extreme. We will still wear animal products and use them if necessary. I speak for myself in saying that I will also still eat honey. For us, it's going to be about health, not specifically animal rights. However, to be realistic, industrial food systems and animal rights are all tied up in our global health.

I also commit to not being preachy, 'cause I hate that. It's a personal choice for me, just like eating whatever you please is your personal choice. I also want to say here and now that I don't want anyone to worry about what I will eat if we go out socially or eat at your house. I will do my best to be prepared and draw little attention to my eating needs, knowing that if I can't eat now, I can surely eat something in a few hours when I'm home.

For the record, I am 5' 4" and weigh 177 pounds, which is ridiculous. I am unhealthy, stressed, in pain often (digestive and muscle) and out of shape. I want to radically change my lifestyle and I know several people personally who have achieved that very goal through veganism. I will support myself in this goal, knowing it's self-chosen. I'm also hoping you will support me in this goal, which is why I am explaining it here.

We armed ourselves with several new cookbooks, including the mother of all vegan cookbooks, Veganomicon, by the creators of the Post Punk Kitchen.

Vegan Again?

Over dinner Ryan and I were discussing the purpose of a blog, especially in relation to Facebook. He said as long as a writer had something worthy to share with the world, then a blog is not simply self-serving. He said lifting up the value in home life is noble and that I should write to my original goal. I feel as though I have not been present and contributing to our home environment enough to write about it. I've been away too much with work, both literally and metaphorically.

I've also had my brain on my job search, which has not been fruitful over the past month or so. I was rejected from two jobs that I was supposedly qualified for without even being offered an interview. Thankfully, there are about twelve more I have identified that I will apply for, but I've got to muster the courage to do it. I worked on one very difficult cover letter for a job I'd really love at my current place of employment. I asked Ry to be my editor which usually doesn't end up being pleasant for either one of us. A cover letter is touchy because it is essentially a representation of myself and my skills. It shouldn't be emotionally charged, it should be practical. But for me, my worth gets all tied up in it, causing me to become very sensitive. I'll do the applications. I have to, I just need to make sure I get to it in a timely fashion.

Over the weekend we brought dinner to our friends, Ryan and Elise, who recently had a lovely little baby girl named Chloe. I'm sure it's an insane amount of work, but they make the new addition to their family look like an absolute joy. As if I didn't already have baby fever. That's part of the problem with my motivation for this job search. I feel very conflicted about what I believe my role in our home and my role in the work place should be. I realize this perhaps makes me sound ultra conservative. Not my intention. I'm trying to understand what my values are and I think family is winning out hands down.

We are counting down the days until Mexico City. Ryan is gearing up by looking at pictures and video from his past few trips to Mexico. I am gearing up by reading a Barbara Kingsolver novel, The Lacuna , which takes place largely in Mexico City in the early part of the 20th century.

I am also considering another experiment in veganism. Last year at this time we experimented with a vegan month. The health benefits in that short amount of time were astounding. I felt wonderful, except when I felt emotionally distraught at certain points when I couldn't eat dairy. I am an absolute cheese addict and living in Wisconsin is not helping this problem. I'm considering an entire year. Ryan says he would do it with me. The goal would be to document changes in my body and hopefully a move towards a greater degree of health and wellness. It would take real restraint and would be a huge challenge. I think if I could achieve this goal, I could achieve almost anything. Last time there were moments where I felt freed from our industrial food system and my own dietary road blocks. If I commit to it and write it here, then I'm in it. I'm still on the fence trying to push myself down from it. If I commit, it will be after Mexico.

A few pictures from the weekend:


Sunday Breakfast.


Hubby Weekend Bread Creation #1: whole wheat, rye, quinoa loaf.


Hubby Weekend Bread Creation #2: white, rye loaf.


Hubby Pizza Creation (a.k.a. what I would miss terribly in the proposed vegan year).


Messing around with Alpha King at dinner. One of the reasons I know our little ones will be absolute goofball terrors.

Also, the kids are out for spring break and it is absolutely quiet here. Hallelujah.

You Know You're Working Too Much When...

You dial '9' before a number on your cell phone and wonder why you can't get through.

I realized upon making it home today that I left an entire drawer full of clothes in my room at the Chicago Sheraton. I'd been trying to call the hotel to report the items left behind and kept getting an error message from Verizon Wireless. I finally went to my office to call the hotel. The Security Supervisor says the room was checked again and no one has seen my clothes. Yeah, right. I bet some maid is wearing my lovely new turquoise sweater as I type.

I went back into the apartment and Ryan was on the phone with Verizon Wireless asking about our connection to the Chicago network and why our phones weren't working correctly. Then while he was on hold he asked me to look at the call record and realized that I'd been dialing '9' before the number each time. We laughed as we explained this to the Verizon Rep who must have thought we were idiotic. The fact that I am so accustomed to dialing an outside line on my work phone should tell me something about how much I'm working.

This conference experience has inspired me some but also left me with a lot of unanswered questions about what I'm doing. I'm just not completely career motivated as some of the old grad colleges I encountered there seem to be. I want a family and hope that role of dedicated parent will be some of the most important work I do in my life.

Regarding the job search, there are about five jobs that have opened for which I'm going to apply. I need to get on it ASAP.

Regarding the house, the appraisal is complete and we know our offer is a reasonable one. Hopefully this helps the bank get moving on considering our offer.

Tonight Ryan made a homemade pizza and we watched several episodes of The Wire to unwind. I'm still ornery about my once-worn, now stolen sweaters.

My New Friend Condy

As you all know, I've been away at a professional conference and placement exchange affiliated with the National Association of Student Personnel Administrators (NASPA). Our recruitment team arrived last Wednesday afternoon. For the first three days we conducted an intensive interview schedule, essentially interviewing candidates from 9am-5pm. Needless to say, they all kind of blended together after a while.

I had a free day on Sunday and Ryan came down to spend the day with me. I was so exhausted from recruiting that I didn't want to do much. I went to the Jesuit Association of Student Personnel Administrators (JASPA) morning mass and returned to the hotel room where we lazed around for a while. While walking back from the mass I saw a massive helicopter transporting sewer pipes from the edge of the river to the top of the Hyatt building. I didn't realize Ryan snapped pictures of it from my room on the 25th floor until I loaded my camera onto my laptop for this post.







This morning Dr. Condoleezza Rice served as our morning keynote and she rocked the house! I was unsure what to expect because of her politics, but she gave a thoughtful and engaging speech that got right to the heart of our profession. Here are a few things she suggested or asked us to consider:

- How are we supporting and encouraging students in their crisis of confidence that inevitably comes with entering the college environment?

- Encourage our students to do something hard! Growth comes through challenge. We should not lower our standards, but encourage them to do things that are really, truly difficult and support them in achieving these goals. Working toward success in the academic arena will show them they can work hard and succeed at challenges out in the "real world".

- Encourage our students to "see the other side" and to develop discourse with people who are different from themselves, especially people who do not look like them, think like them or agree with them. Encourage students to study abroad, live/work in another country, or to speak another language. She noted specifically that we are way too monolingual.

- Teach our students to eschew a culture of entitlement and grievance. We should be thankful for the blessings we do have and cease comparing ourselves with others. We can only be the best we can be for us, not our parents or because we're comparing ourselves with someone else.

- We need to have high expectations for public K-12 education.

- Finally, we should exceed a sense of optimism and encourage our students to do the same. In this process we should honor our legacies: honor those who came before us and made us who we are today.

Overall, it was a humorous and inspiring speech. It was helpful that she started as an academic and her father was a college administrator. She knew our language and knew what to say. I was thankful to have the opportunity to hear such a major political figure speak.

The sessions I attended invigorated my professional interests and got me feeling excited in a way I haven't experienced for a while. They got me thinking about what I could do in a new role and why I got into this line of work in the first place. Here's what I attended:

- Public Policy Issues - Impact on the Student Affairs Practitioner
- Enhancing the Legacy of Civic Engagement
- Practioner Advocacy to Improve Undocumented Student Success
- Balancing Your Legacy: Motherhood and Student Affairs

I know, sounds rousing (wink). It was all fine and dandy until I hit the presentation about motherhood. This is an issue I've been thinking a lot about lately, specifically, is it really possible to maintain a career in Student Affairs while raising a family?

I was expecting to go and receive some answers, but I left feeling depleted. There are clearly many Student Affairs women (and men, but especially women) out there sacrificing their family lives and living in very unbalanced ways for the sake of their careers. I think it would have been an unpopular view point in that group, but I'm not sure true balance is possible or that I'm willing to make these type of sacrifices myself. I value my career and I want a family - I don't know what I'm going to do about that when the time comes.

Thankfully, I did meet one very bright, middle-aged woman in the crowd who had a prestigious and powerful job, but she left for a more balanced life. She said it was the best choice she ever made, that she wouldn't change anything from the beginning of her career or more recently since she's made those changes. She gave the group this piece of advice, "remember, you don't have to be superwoman".

After that session, I ran into the Associate Director for Residence Life at Northern Arizona University, Dr. Cindy Anderson. She invited me to sit down with her for a while and catch up. We talked about what I've been doing, my job search, marriage, and our house offer. She caught me up on all of the personnel changes and current happenings at NAU. She was always a very friendly and kind person, but I never had the chance to sit down with her one-to-one when I was a grad student. I very much appreciated this time together - she treated me as a professional and reminded me of all things positive about my experience at NAU.

A view from my room. Chicago skyline at night including the river and bottom of the new Trump tower:

All Hemmed Up

In Chicago again for a professional conference where we are interviewing people to fill my job; that's sort of surreal in itself. The environment is frenzied and alerts a dormant sense of anxiety in me about what will come next. Lots of go-getters and over-achievers who make me question whether I'm doing enough. On the other hand there are some familiar faces here at make me feel instantly at home. I have also been briefly tempted to go for a few jobs out in Arizona, even though I know our family is really committed to Milwaukee, at least for the time being. The idea of being back with some of those great folks, especially the idea of working with Gretchen again, and of living in a city with such awesome access to nature's wonder, is very alluring.

I was out of the office early this week for a medical procedure at Aurora Sinai Hospital, which struck a little bit of the fear of God into me. When I was rolling by on a hospital bed with an IV stuck in my arm, wearing an oxygen mask, I thought to myself, "I've got to get this stress and my health under control" so I don't wind up here again any time soon. My hubby and my mom took good care of me. Amazingly, even after being sedated I felt comfortable walking home, stopping by the realty office to drop off some paperwork and eating luch at El Cabrito (one of our favorite, authentic Mexian restaurants in town).

Ry dropped me off at my mom's before heading off to Chicago for a next-generation Grateful Dead show. I zonked out on my mom's couch instantly. When I woke up we chatted, she showed me how to hand-hem pants, and we ate a delicious dinner she had made. After I learned the first few basic hem stiches from my mom, I took over and finished the pair. It felt like an awesome accomplishment to learn such a practical skill, especially since I'm such a shorty. I think it will come in come in handy in the future and probably encourage me to purchase new pants instead of worrying about when I'm going to take them to a tailor. It's easy as pie. Thanks Mom!