Sea Change

Sometimes you know things intuitively. For instance, I understand the term "sea change" in context. Enough to say that it accurately describes the shift I've been feeling inside of me. But in order to say that I knew for sure before putting words to paper, I had to look it up. Low and behold I find something more lovely than I could have imagined. Apparently the origin of this term comes from a verse out of Shakespeare's The Tempest:

Full fathom five thy father lies,
Of his bones are coral made,
Those are pearls that were his eyes,
Nothing of him that doth fade,
But doth suffer a sea-change,
into something rich and strange,
sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell,
Ding dong.
Hark! How I hear them, 'ding dong, bell.'

I looked up several definitions but found the one on Wikipedia to be the most poetic, so though it's less credible than Miriam Webster, I'll take poetic any day. Sea change - a gradual transformation in which the form is retained but the substance is replaced.

Yesterday after work I took a much needed step when I walked into the Literary Services of Wisconsin to attend a volunteer orientation. I haven't given any of my time on a consistent basis since 2004 when I served as a high school youth group advisor. Before that it was hours in a soup kitchen during high school on a required basis for my senior honors seminar. I'm embarrassed to say that I have not willingly volunteered myself to serve others for most of my life.

I'm not sure why the idea popped into my head recently, but I decided I wanted to give some of my time to help others. From the plethora of options, I determined that I wanted to focus on literacy because reading has been such a gift in my life. I often day dream about what it would be like to be an English teacher and to help people hone their comprehension of language and the written word. At this point anyway, I feel that is not a path I am going to pursue.

Though I usually hem and haw other everything and drag my feet, one afternoon I looked up organizations related to literacy in Milwaukee, found LSW and signed up to volunteer in an instant. I thought, heck, "why not? don't be afraid of something new for once!"

Last night I attended the orientation session and was thoroughly moved by the stories of adults with the courage and determination it takes to step forward and say that they want to learn to read or improve their reading. Several stories were so touching that I nearly started bawling right at the table in front of ten other people. I kept it to one tear that I quietly wiped away and then let excitement take over.

LSW offers several different types of tutoring including adult basic reading education, GED preparation and English as a second language. I decided to work in the GED program. My next step is to observe GED tutoring and then start my training to become a tutor. I'm so excited to meet new people, to give and to learn something new myself. I climbed to the roof of the building after the orientation was over and had the urge to weep out of sheer relief. It was magical and easier than I expected to take an active step toward living my life, on my terms in an expression of something I value deeply.

Then after doing my little grocery shopping, I made my way home and started looking up other opportunities for civic involvement. I'd already contacted the people from the Jackson Park Community Association over the weekend. Last night I found myself surfing the League of Women Voters of Milwaukee County site getting all jazzed. I had this spark of a moment where I realized, there are so many opportunities to be a part of this community and to act in ways that are in line with what's most important to me and I can probably even meet some new people and oh, this is just so marvelous...I can be the kind of person I'm meant to be, the kind of person hiding in there that hasn't been able to get out.

Now, to your average reader who volunteers or is involved or is quite self-enlightened that may seem a little dramatic and well, for lack of a better way to describe it, kind of a "duh moment." But it wasn't obvious for me. I felt like something deep inside of me woke up. A part of me that's been dormant for a long time. The me that felt the power to be herself like I could before all of this adolescent bullsh*t and experimentation and sadness. It was wonderful and relieving and many other things. I feel like a big kid now, new and yet the same me I was all along. I am thankful, just thankful for that.